


I hate you (because the L-word is too hard to say)

by Saraste



Series: Femslash February 2017 [5]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, F/F, Femslash, Femslash February 2017, First Kiss, Insecurity, Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 06:36:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9589127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saraste/pseuds/Saraste
Summary: Paris might not be handling her crush on Rory all that well.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've been rewatching Gilmore Girls on Netflix and somehow the way Paris acts pushed me to write this. There's just something to take a hold of in canon of the first season, in the way Paris acts towards Rory when she starts at Chilton... I never did read her that way when I first watched series one as a teen.
> 
> This is my first fic with this pairing, in this fandom and in writing Paris' pov.
> 
> (Written for prompt 5 enemies of my promptlist. Link in the series description.)

Paris is suspicious of the new girl even before she has really properly started at Chilton. Everyone who gets to Chilton is driven  _ and _ smart or then money exchanges hands so the less driven and smart can get in, Paris  _ knows _ how the world works. It hasn't bothered her particularly much in the past.

 

But this new girl, this Lorelai Gilmore, _ Rory, _ makes her nervous. 

 

Paris knows of the Gilmores, of course, who in Connecticut doesn’t. But this girl. Rory. She’s not at all what Paris expects. She makes her lose her nerve, snap and be mean, fight her in any way she can figure out how. She’s envious of her for the loving relationship she has with her mom. She’s envious of her because of how she won’t let Paris trod her down. That actually makes Paris a little warm inside.  _ Admire her.  _ Maybe even like her.

 

And she, she has no idea what to do with that. 

 

She’s not stupid, of course, she knows that it’s nothing abnormal but she fights it, pushes away all the mushy distracting thoughts like the distractions they are. But it’s not easy. Some of the stress of it bleeds into snapping and her being mean and abrasive, rude, but that’s how she’s always been on the surface, so no-one seems to notice that anything’s different.

 

“What’s your problem?” Rory asks her more than once. Paris wants to say  _ ‘You’ _ but bites it down, gives an easy answer. Because if she says ‘you’ then she’ll go into details. Like how she would like to touch Rory’s hair, sweep it off her face, maybe… maybe even kiss her. How she’d maybe just want to lean into her and just hold her. Be Paris and Rory. Even if Rory is in o way her Helen of Troy. 

 

Paris isn’t even, hasn't been, thinking about a future beyond Harward. Obliquely it has been like this: she’d get her degree, maybe find someone suitable in college, someone equal to her, maybe have a baby if she felt like becoming a mother. She would be her own self and would choose her partner wisely.

 

That what her heart thinks is wise happens to be Rory Gilmore is just too much.

 

And a one too many times of Rory putting the question of why and what to her, Paris snaps. It’s inevitable. She kisses Rory and for that one moment everything is perfect, Rory’s lips are warm are soft and, for that moment, Paris can just  _ have _ . Until Rory pulls away, wide-eyed. 

 

“Paris, I dont...”

 

“And this is why I hate you. ” But Paris can't muster too much ire into her words. She says nothing more as she flees the scene, down one of the endless staircases of Chilton. She hates that Rory means so much to her and she so little to Rory.

 

“Paris, wait!”

 

Of course Rory wouldn't let it be. Paris doesn't want to, but she stops at yhe the bottom of the staircase, looking at Rory. “Well, what is it?” She's all edges but Rory… Liking her this much hurts, kissing her was stupid and…

 

Rory kisses  _ her _ instead, now, and everything shifts.  


End file.
